Journal 7

Dear Journal,

      For the past few years, I have had passion, power, and riches; however, I had always been a Samana in my heart. As it had always been, everyone was a apart from me. Ever since I met Kamala, I have been a rich person wearing fine clothes, eating prepared foods, and living happily with Kamala. As time passed by, I have acquired to become more like an ordinary person, but the more I am like them, the more I feel anxious and I envy them. Lately, I have been wandering around outside, and I end up gambling. I like the feeling of winning, then losing, and winning again. One day however, when I was talking to Kamala, I saw the fine lines and wrinkles in her face, and I am starting to have gray hairs. I realized that it was time for me to start moving on. Before I left Kamala, I had a dream. It was about the bird in the cage. It would sing in the evening, but when I looked in the cage, it was dead! I had been wasting my time, I realized, and sat under a mango tree remembering  about the happiness I had in the past. That night, I left Kamala.
                                                    -Siddhartha