Artifact 4

Add caption

Journal 12

Dear Journal,

   Govinda appeared at the river today. He did not recognize me from the last time we had seen each other, and was astonished when I had called by his name. He said that he had heard of a wise man, and had come to me to ask for advice. Govinda had not yet seeked the enlightenment he had been looking for. Govinda still followed the Buddha and his teachings but he had not attain the kind of enlightenment I now had. He asked me to teach him what i knew. He stayed with me tonight.

      I warned Govinda that my wisdom cannot be taught, I told him that verbal teachings were limited and for that reason one must earn their own wisdom. I told him that I had learn many things, one of them was that for every truth there is an opposite truth. The world is never incomplete or on a path to completeness, it is complete at every moment. I told my dear friend that all I wanted to do now was to love the world just the way it is. After, Govinda asked if I had any additional advice for him, I told him to kiss me on my forehead. When he kissed me, he saw the flow of forces and images that had crossed my mind in the river. Govinda bowed down to me and tears began to fall form hs eyes. At last we had both found enlightement.... something we had been looking for many years ago.

                                           

                                                                             -Siddhartha

   

Journal 11

                                                                                               Dear Journal,

     I am so lonely... Now that my son has left me, my heart is broken. I went to the river, and I relaized that this is what I had done to my father. I left him and became a dirty Samana to seek enlightment and search for Nirvana. Now I guess it is my son's turn and search for himself, I feel relieved. I talked this to Vasudeva and he seemed very enlighted like the Buddha. When the ferryman calls me by the river, they talk about the god times, bad times, their joy, and laughter. I realized that myself is "Om" and understand everything. It seemed to me that the feryman was waiting for this moment and he left me to be the
                                                                                                         ferryman.

                                                             -Siddhartha

Journal 10

Dear Journal,
     It has been a few days since Kamala's funeral. I welcomes the young Siddhartha, my son, to stay with Vasudeva and I in the hut. I see that he is suffering from grief. He doesn't talk to me or Vasudeva. Instead he just sits on the hill of the dead, and I leave him alone because I understand that he doesn't love me or wants to accept me as his father.
     I also understand that he was a spoiled eleven year old. He was used to finer things that I cannot offer him here, but I offer him the best of what we have. I don't think winning him over with love and patience is working though. He seems so unhappy and defiant towards me. He has no respect towards me, but I will not give up on trying to win him over.
      I can see what Vasudeva is thinking when he sees my son being disrespectful, but he hasn't ever said anything. Finally he spoke to me and told me that I should let the boy go if he wishes.
        It didn't matter if I gave him permission to go back to his town where his servants would take care of him because he ran away. He stole our boat and crossed the river in the direction of his home town. Vasudeva and I had to make a bamboo raft to cross the river and retrieve the boat. When we crossed, I walked through the forest in the direction of the town.
     Once I got there, I realized I could not make young Siddhartha love me or stay with me. I sat on the road for many hours meditating. I was brought out of my trance by the familiar voice of my good friend Vasudeva.I shared with him one of the bananas an ascetic had laid down in front of me then we headed back towards our small hut. 

Journal 9

Dear Journal,

    The ferryman was right. Everything does come back. I have come back to visit him and learn about the river. Vasudeva, the ferryman, has already taught me some things about it. He has taught me the power of listening and how vital it is to have it. The river also has taught me that I need to strive downwards sink and to seek the depths. But above all, I have learned how to listen, to listen with a still heart, with the waiting, open soul, without passion, without desire, without judgement, and without opinions. I have learned many other simple things as there is no such thing as time. Overall, the river has taught me much. I have heard that the great Gotama was dying. Many of his followers have come to cross the river and visit. I saw Vasudeva holding a woman from a distance. When I looked closer, I saw that it was Kamala and a young boy. She was bitten by a snake on her way to visit the Buddha. Vasudeva laid her down on my bed where his wife had died years ago. She recognized me and told me that the young boy was my son. The young Siddhartha. When she had passed away, he looked very distraught. That night he did not eat nor talk and just sat there. He went to bed in silence without another word. That night Vasudeva and I prepared the pyre for the cremation ceremony for my dead lover.

                                                       -Siddhartha

Journal 8

Dear Journal, 

   I am all alone again, trying to seek enlightenment once again. I was wandering in the forest today when a crazy idea passed through my mind. These past twenty years had been wasted, I had done nothing and accomplished nothing! That's when thoughts of committing suicide came over me. Why not drown myself in the river? Why not kill myslef? There's no reason to continue living anyway, its not like I had something worth living for. Just as I stood by the edge of the of the river ready to jump, I heard the holiest of all words... "Om." Then i lay down on the grass next to the river and fell asleep. When I awoke, my dear friend Govinda was sleeping right beside me. He didn't recognize me at first, i had change so much over the years. We were happy to reunite once again, but each of us had our own mission, so we said our goodbyes and wished each other all of luck on our pilgrimages. Govinda on a special mission alongside Gotama's followers, and myself on my journey towards enlightenment!  
                                               - Siddhartha

Journal 7

Dear Journal,

      For the past few years, I have had passion, power, and riches; however, I had always been a Samana in my heart. As it had always been, everyone was a apart from me. Ever since I met Kamala, I have been a rich person wearing fine clothes, eating prepared foods, and living happily with Kamala. As time passed by, I have acquired to become more like an ordinary person, but the more I am like them, the more I feel anxious and I envy them. Lately, I have been wandering around outside, and I end up gambling. I like the feeling of winning, then losing, and winning again. One day however, when I was talking to Kamala, I saw the fine lines and wrinkles in her face, and I am starting to have gray hairs. I realized that it was time for me to start moving on. Before I left Kamala, I had a dream. It was about the bird in the cage. It would sing in the evening, but when I looked in the cage, it was dead! I had been wasting my time, I realized, and sat under a mango tree remembering  about the happiness I had in the past. That night, I left Kamala.
                                                    -Siddhartha

Artifact 3

The snake that bit Kamala while she was sleeping by the river. 

Journal 6

Dear Journal,
     I went to go meet Kamaswami today about my new job as a merchant. It went well. He seems to like me and even invited me to live in his house. Everyone in the village likes me too. People are so gullible. They listen to me and enjoy my presence. It's so easy for me to just go in a different place and be accepted. I learned many things from Kamaswami. I learned how to transact business affairs, power over people, and to amuse myself with women. However, even if I'm loved by a lot of people, I still feel alone. Sure Kamaswami is a friend of mine, but he's also my boss. I don't have many close friends. Govinda left me and I'm scared Kamala will too. Kamala is my only close friend here. Over the past couple weeks that I've been here, I have grown very rich and powerful. I have a lot of money and nice clothes. I shampoo my hair and only wear the finest jewelery that only the rich men wear. I feel satisfied with my life. I have acended the tree with the beautiful courtesan Kamala. I wish I could love though. Ordinary people can love and I envy that. It is their secret and I wish I could have that. 

-Siddhartha

Journal 5

Dear Journal,

     So now I left Govinda with that guy called "Gotama." Something told me I would not be going above and beyond like I'm supposed to. So anyways, I met a ferryman, He gave me a ride down the river. I don't know where I'm going but, I have to make the best out of it.

    So as I'm sleeping later on the night, I have some trippy dream. My dream involve my friend Govinda, Govinda somehow turned into a girl. As the "Girl" Govinda came to me, I began to suck on her breasts. I woke up the next morning finding my self departing from the ferryman's boat. I found my self in a small village, so i began to find my way around town.

     So as I'm walking around, I see this pretty cute woman washing her clothes by the river. As I walk by her she looks at me and places her left foot on my right foot. the second that happened, I knew she wanted to "ascend the tree" with me... "ascending the tree" means to have sex. So I then started to passionately kiss her nipples, but then a voice inside me, told me stop, I packed my stuff and kept walking.

     As I was walking I found my self in a small grove, in which a saw a very beautiful woman. I guess you can say i was acting like a "peeping Tom", because I couldn't keep my eyes of her. She then entered back into some building. I after that, I went around town asking about her, to find out more about her. The next day I finally went up to her to talk. She is a courtesan, which is a high-class prostitute. Her name was Kamala. We made some small talk, and by the end of the next day, I read her a poem, in which we kissed right after. I then made my decision to keep traveling to find out more about myself. I will miss Kamala, but i know this wont be our last meeting.

-Siddhartha

Journal 4

Dear Journal,

     After I left the grove, I had a very strange feeling. I realized that I am no longer a youth, I am now a man! Something has left me, something that has been accompanying me throughout my journey. The desire to have a teacher and to listen to their teachings has left me, I even turned down the Greatest of all teachers, Gotama. I could no longer accept his teachings.
    I had an awakening... I will no longer try to escape from myself, I will learn from myself and only myself. I have no one else, I am on my own. I have been so stupid, but it is all over now, I have awakened and have been born today. I can no longer look backwards.


                           -Siddhartha

Journal 3

                                                         Dear Journal, 

        Today, I am here with my friend, Govinda. We are on journey following the Gotama. He is really famous for being the "Illustrious One" and we are excited to learn about the teachings of Buddha. 
        At this moment, we just meet a woman named Anathapindika,  who knew a lot of the Buddha. Govinda was really curious to hear about everything, but I was sure that it was time for us to leave. 
        As we walked some more, I found the Buddha wearing a yellow robe. We followed them, and Govinda was hoping to seek the teachings from his lips. I didn't think that there was anything I would learn from the Buddha. I watched his every move. Suddenly, I realized that there is something he will learn from him. 
     A  few days later, Govinda told me that he wanted to continue his life with Gotama. He had chosen his path and I decided to accept his decision. I will have to leave him to continue on my path to seek enlightment.  
                                            -Siddhartha

Journal 2

Dear Journal,
     I have recently left my family and my friends. I am with Govinda and we are going to the Samanas to seek enlightenment. I hope the Samanas will help me with what I'm looking for. I miss my dad very much. Being a Samana is hard. We have to fast all the time. Sometimes for 20 days at a time. I have lost a lot of weight. I have learned different types of meditation and self-denial. I sit upright and have learned to hold my breath and quiet my heartbeat.
   I enjoy being with the Samanas, but I feel that if I were by myself, I could have learned everything much faster. Govinda is with me and has learned a lot. He seems to be enjoying himself. When I beg, I see the rich people and look down upon them. They don't know as much as I do.  They do not know the arts of meditation and fasting.
    Often, I stand in the pouring rain with blood dripping down my body. I suffer and accept it. I ignore my pain and practice self-denial. I ignore what my body needs. My back is sunburnt and I feel thirsty and hungry. I learn to ignore the pain.
     I'm ready to leave the Samanas. I have learned of a greater power, Gotama. I want to learn what he did to reach Nirvana. I feel that I will learn more from him than I have here. Before I left, I hypnotized the eldest Samana. The other ascetics seem to be very impressed. It was child's play, very easy. Sometimes I don't understand how stupid people are.
                                                              -Siddhartha

Artifact 2

Buddhist Robe

My childhood friend

Artifact 1

Ferryman's Boat

Journal 1

Dear  Journal,

     Lately I have been questioning the purpose of being a Brahmin any longer. I have already learned and understood all of the teachings and I feel the urge to go out and learn more.  I ask myself daily if the sacrifices give happiness. And what about the gods? Was it good and right, was it a  sensible and worthy act to offer sacrifices to the gods? Where is Atman and why do they not recognize him as the creator of the world?
        I wish to go out and achieve Nirvana. This has been inspired by encountering the Samanas. I hear that these Samanas deny themselves food, clothes, shelter, and other things that most people feel they could not live without in order to reach their goal of enlightenment.
           I knew that before setting off to join the Samanas I would have to speak with my father to ask for his approval. When I mentioned my idea, he sat quietly and still for many moments. When he finally spoke, he said that my words of request for permission upset him and that he did not wish for me to go on with the Samanas. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood in the room until night. I could hear my father come in periodically through out the night to check if I was still in the room. There wasn't anything I wanted more than to become a Samana to learn more, so if i wanted permission I knew that I would have to stay stubborn. Finally, my father gave me permission. This made me very excited and thankful to my father.
          There was also some one else I had to talk to about my decision, my good friend Govinda. While meditating together I brought to attention that I wanted to join the Samanas on their journey. He asked me if my father would allow me to go with them. I could see in his face that he realized our paths would begin to separate.
            I left at dawn and as I walked out of town I found Govinda waiting for me. We joined the Samanas. I cannot wait until we learn from the ascetics.
                                                - Siddhartha