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Journal 12

Dear Journal,

   Govinda appeared at the river today. He did not recognize me from the last time we had seen each other, and was astonished when I had called by his name. He said that he had heard of a wise man, and had come to me to ask for advice. Govinda had not yet seeked the enlightenment he had been looking for. Govinda still followed the Buddha and his teachings but he had not attain the kind of enlightenment I now had. He asked me to teach him what i knew. He stayed with me tonight.

      I warned Govinda that my wisdom cannot be taught, I told him that verbal teachings were limited and for that reason one must earn their own wisdom. I told him that I had learn many things, one of them was that for every truth there is an opposite truth. The world is never incomplete or on a path to completeness, it is complete at every moment. I told my dear friend that all I wanted to do now was to love the world just the way it is. After, Govinda asked if I had any additional advice for him, I told him to kiss me on my forehead. When he kissed me, he saw the flow of forces and images that had crossed my mind in the river. Govinda bowed down to me and tears began to fall form hs eyes. At last we had both found enlightement.... something we had been looking for many years ago.

                                           

                                                                             -Siddhartha

   

Journal 11

                                                                                               Dear Journal,

     I am so lonely... Now that my son has left me, my heart is broken. I went to the river, and I relaized that this is what I had done to my father. I left him and became a dirty Samana to seek enlightment and search for Nirvana. Now I guess it is my son's turn and search for himself, I feel relieved. I talked this to Vasudeva and he seemed very enlighted like the Buddha. When the ferryman calls me by the river, they talk about the god times, bad times, their joy, and laughter. I realized that myself is "Om" and understand everything. It seemed to me that the feryman was waiting for this moment and he left me to be the
                                                                                                         ferryman.

                                                             -Siddhartha

Journal 10

Dear Journal,
     It has been a few days since Kamala's funeral. I welcomes the young Siddhartha, my son, to stay with Vasudeva and I in the hut. I see that he is suffering from grief. He doesn't talk to me or Vasudeva. Instead he just sits on the hill of the dead, and I leave him alone because I understand that he doesn't love me or wants to accept me as his father.
     I also understand that he was a spoiled eleven year old. He was used to finer things that I cannot offer him here, but I offer him the best of what we have. I don't think winning him over with love and patience is working though. He seems so unhappy and defiant towards me. He has no respect towards me, but I will not give up on trying to win him over.
      I can see what Vasudeva is thinking when he sees my son being disrespectful, but he hasn't ever said anything. Finally he spoke to me and told me that I should let the boy go if he wishes.
        It didn't matter if I gave him permission to go back to his town where his servants would take care of him because he ran away. He stole our boat and crossed the river in the direction of his home town. Vasudeva and I had to make a bamboo raft to cross the river and retrieve the boat. When we crossed, I walked through the forest in the direction of the town.
     Once I got there, I realized I could not make young Siddhartha love me or stay with me. I sat on the road for many hours meditating. I was brought out of my trance by the familiar voice of my good friend Vasudeva.I shared with him one of the bananas an ascetic had laid down in front of me then we headed back towards our small hut. 

Journal 9

Dear Journal,

    The ferryman was right. Everything does come back. I have come back to visit him and learn about the river. Vasudeva, the ferryman, has already taught me some things about it. He has taught me the power of listening and how vital it is to have it. The river also has taught me that I need to strive downwards sink and to seek the depths. But above all, I have learned how to listen, to listen with a still heart, with the waiting, open soul, without passion, without desire, without judgement, and without opinions. I have learned many other simple things as there is no such thing as time. Overall, the river has taught me much. I have heard that the great Gotama was dying. Many of his followers have come to cross the river and visit. I saw Vasudeva holding a woman from a distance. When I looked closer, I saw that it was Kamala and a young boy. She was bitten by a snake on her way to visit the Buddha. Vasudeva laid her down on my bed where his wife had died years ago. She recognized me and told me that the young boy was my son. The young Siddhartha. When she had passed away, he looked very distraught. That night he did not eat nor talk and just sat there. He went to bed in silence without another word. That night Vasudeva and I prepared the pyre for the cremation ceremony for my dead lover.

                                                       -Siddhartha

Journal 8

Dear Journal, 

   I am all alone again, trying to seek enlightenment once again. I was wandering in the forest today when a crazy idea passed through my mind. These past twenty years had been wasted, I had done nothing and accomplished nothing! That's when thoughts of committing suicide came over me. Why not drown myself in the river? Why not kill myslef? There's no reason to continue living anyway, its not like I had something worth living for. Just as I stood by the edge of the of the river ready to jump, I heard the holiest of all words... "Om." Then i lay down on the grass next to the river and fell asleep. When I awoke, my dear friend Govinda was sleeping right beside me. He didn't recognize me at first, i had change so much over the years. We were happy to reunite once again, but each of us had our own mission, so we said our goodbyes and wished each other all of luck on our pilgrimages. Govinda on a special mission alongside Gotama's followers, and myself on my journey towards enlightenment!  
                                               - Siddhartha

Journal 7

Dear Journal,

      For the past few years, I have had passion, power, and riches; however, I had always been a Samana in my heart. As it had always been, everyone was a apart from me. Ever since I met Kamala, I have been a rich person wearing fine clothes, eating prepared foods, and living happily with Kamala. As time passed by, I have acquired to become more like an ordinary person, but the more I am like them, the more I feel anxious and I envy them. Lately, I have been wandering around outside, and I end up gambling. I like the feeling of winning, then losing, and winning again. One day however, when I was talking to Kamala, I saw the fine lines and wrinkles in her face, and I am starting to have gray hairs. I realized that it was time for me to start moving on. Before I left Kamala, I had a dream. It was about the bird in the cage. It would sing in the evening, but when I looked in the cage, it was dead! I had been wasting my time, I realized, and sat under a mango tree remembering  about the happiness I had in the past. That night, I left Kamala.
                                                    -Siddhartha